The XXXS Groin Guard is specially engineered for those who believe size isn’t everything – safety is! Combining authentic athletic styling with pure comedic gold, this jockstrap features a comfortable, full-sized waistband paired with an absurdly tiny, micro-proportioned groin protector. It’s the ultimate satirical novelty item for cold-water swimmers, gym bros with a sense of humour, or that one friend who never takes themselves too seriously.
Each guard comes packaged with an eye-catching, retro comic-style insert card that certifies it as 100% micropenis-approved. Built with real elastic straps, mesh detailing, and heavy-duty branding, it looks surprisingly legit right up until you notice the dimensions.
Shipping
Orders placed before 1:30pm Monday–Friday (excluding Bank Holidays) are dispatched the same working day.
Orders placed after 1:30pm, on weekends, or on Bank Holidays are dispatched on the next working day.
Please note: delivery timeframes (e.g. 1–2 working days) are calculated from the day of dispatch and refer to working days only. Working days are Monday to Friday and do not include weekends or Bank Holidays.
| Order Total | Economy | Standard | Express |
|---|
| Under £59.99 | £4.00 | £5.50 | £7.00 |
| Over £59.99 | Free | £1.50 | £3.00 |
Returns & Exchanges
We offer a 30-day returns policy for unused items. UK exchanges and store credit are FREE for all orders, allowing you to lock in a different size or product instantly. Returns for a cash refund are subject to a £4.00 shipping and handling fee, which is deducted from your total refund.
All items must be returned in original condition with tags and packaging intact.
Please note: Combat sports gear naturally degrades with regular use. Standard wear and tear, including cosmetic and material deterioration, does not qualify as a manufacturing defect.
For full details, please see our Returns Policy and FAQ.
